Unsure

It has officially been 1 week since I got my FIRST bfp!! I now have 7 total all lined up in a basket with stuff over it so my dh does not see my obsession with watching the lines getting darker. He did find it a few days ago despite my efforts, but has not looked since that I am aware of. The lines are getting darker.... but I am still having nervous moments not all the time but once in a while I freak and then I POAS..... :( I know I am pathetic....

I had my third blood draw today. I am hoping for awesome numbers tomorrow and hoping that it will help reduce those anxiety moments. We shall see. I actually have moments where I am scared to open my eyes when I wipe for fear of seeing red.... anyway just had to share..

This is day two of Ashlyn being gone to her aunts for a week. She is having so much fun!! My SIL keeps texting me pictures of all the activities they are doing. I miss her, but know she is having a blast!!! Lorelei is outside swimming while I cook dinner. The pool is strategically placed outside the kitchen window so I can keep an eye on them while I do my day to day chores....

Oh and Congrats to my cousin. Everything will turn out!! I found out today that she is pregnant. She is 37 and has a 13 and an 11 year old. They are thinking twins but we shall see. She is also getting remarried at the end of July.

15 days until my U/S... 5 weeks and 1 day today!

Not Much Going On....

I got my second set of labs back. My HCG went up to 69 which means that the doubling time was 31.51 hours. YAY. Go Monday to recheck HCG and progesterone. Ashlyn leaves for her aunt house for a week Sunday. My first Dr appointment and u/s is July 14th. My last two pregnancies have not even made it to that point, so I am counting down the next 18 days!!!

HCG & Progesterone

I got my results back from my first round of bloodwork. HCg = 24, Progesterone = 38.5. I was very happy with the progesterone, that is the highest I have ever seen it since I started having problems. The HCG has me a little concerned, but the nurse did not seem to be for as early as I tested. I had m second round drawn this morning and should get the results in the morning. Come on 50+.... I have never prayed so much in such a short period of time...

OMG I Cannot Believe It

I got my BFP. AF was due yesterday on a 28 day cycle or Wednesday on a 31. My cycle used to always be 31 but had shortened to 28 after my last m/c. I got BFN on Saturday, but a BFP this morning. I am heading to the Dr in a few minutes for my first round of blood work and started my progesterone this morning. I am trying to be excited, but all I feel really right now is fear of going through all of this again. I keep thinking if I can just make it through the next month maybe I will relax a little... maybe...

Jonathan's Birthday

Today is my husbands 29th birthday. We had out usual Friday night pizza, as it is his favorite meal, only today he had candles in his pizza slices, a beer, and he gets Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake and brownie bites for dessert. I was hoping to give him a BFP for his birthday, but as of yet it has not happened. I tested yesterday and twice today, but the brand of test I was using was giving me some weird readings so I bought some new ones this afternoon (First Response). I have a VERY busy weekend ahead that will keep me distracted so I have not decided if I will test again in the morning or try and waitout AF and if she is not hear then test again on Monday...

Tomorrow my brother-in-law is getting remarried. His first wife was killed in a car accident when their baby was 8 weeks old. She is now almost 6. The woman that he is marrying is a widow and they have a 10 month old baby together.

Tomorrow evening I am throwing a party. The party is to remember all we have to celebrate and a chance for all of my friends and family to get together. For me it is also a celebration of us making it through the last year and hopefully turning over a new leaf that will mean a happier next year and hopefully a new little one at this time next year, but that is just between you and me.

10 DPO

So today I am 10 DPO nad I broke down and POAS'd this morning. Not surprisingly I got a BFN. I am not surprised although still a little disappointed. I am not sure about this month. I am not giving up hope yet, it is still early and I have been known to not get a BFP until AF is 5 days late, but....

The girls are a little tender, and my appetite has been strange, but I just don't have that feeling. That gut instinct that I usually get that I am pregnant. I also have not had any issues sleeping which is usually my first clue...anywho guess I will know by this time next week if I am preggers or on to next month....

On another note, with the exception of working at a frustrating IT problem ALL day today was good and the girls LOVED Mother's Day Out. There are 5 kids Ashlyn already knows in her class so that was cool. Tomorrow we are off to the lake for a surprise 18th birthday party for my little sister.

Mother's Day Out

So tommorow mark's yet another changing point in my world. The funny thing is, is that it is my niece that a causing it. I know strange..."What is it?" you say. Mother's Day Out. Ashlyn started Mother's Day out the year before kindergarten and is going back this summer for fun. Lorelei started last September and loves it and will continue this summer. Aubrey though is just now old enough to venture out on her own, so to speak, a little and go. She will have loads of fun and it will be a good experience for her, but a wonderful time for me. It will be the first time since Ashlyn was born that I get a set aside period of time all to myself on a regular basis. Most weeks it will be used going to the office of the church I work at, but it will also be used for other things like going to the grocery store without kids, running errands, going to the doctor, getting a pedicure or a massage, etc... aahhhhhh or just a time to sit in my living room and it be totally quiet... lol....

Do not get me wrong, I LOVE my kiddos and all of the ones that have been left in my charge over the years as well, but sometimes you just need a break. Some time to breathe on your own. Some time to remember who you are. Some time to have a conversation with someone over the age of 6. Just some time. If I can impart no other wisdom on those that have babies or are TTC it is to remember to take this time for yourself whenever it comes along....

As for my daily update... I am now 9 DPO and so itching to POAS. Two of my online friends have now gotten their BFP's and would be due within a week of me if I am preggers this month....oh I hope and pray.... Wednesday I will be 11 DPO and it is still early, but being the POAS Addict that I am, I will test anyway. I will test again on Saturday, unless I get my BFP on Wednesday, as I have a wedding and am throwing a party that day. Oh who am I kidding I will probably test on Saturday even if I get a BFP on Wednesday :)

Sunday Night...

So it's Sunday night and I do not have much to say. It has been a really busy, but relaxing weekend. Next week promises to be busy as well, but fun. I have a surprise 18th birthday party for my little sister on Wednesday, Jonathan's birthday is Friday, my brother-in-law is getting married Saturday morning, we are having a party Saturday night, and then Father's Day on Sunday. Amidst all ofthis is the end of the TWW. Today I am 8 dpo and anxious to test, but going to hold out a while longer :) If I do get a BFP though I plan to keep it to myself until Sunday, when I will let Jonathan in on the secret, but no one else will be told until I am showing or in the 2nd trimester....

On another front, I HATE POTTY TRAINING!!!! My two year old, Lorelei, knows the concept, but refuses to comply. She tells you where her poopoo and peepee goes and what to do when she needs to go, and what she gets to do as rewards when she does good, but then turns around and poops in her panties.... aagghhh frustration. I know she will when she is ready, but when will she be ready? :)

Okay, one last thing... Are all 6 year olds boy crazy? Ashlyn is completely infatuated with this little boy names Colby. It is really cute except for the fact that it has now been going on for over a year. She writes songs and letters about how much she loves him, and even came home from school a while back telling me she was going to marry him and have his babies. I am too young for this... she is too young... :) I thought this was not supposed to start until they were teenagers....

So I lied, I guess I did have a lot to say afterall....

Day 2 -- Realizing Just How Busy I Am

It is Thursday. For those who know me well they know that this is the busiest day of the week for me, and now that summer has hit the most frustrating at times. In addition to having two kiddos and being their mom, I take care of my 10 month old niece, and am the office manager of a small town baptist church. Ashlyn also has tumbling on Thursdays. So below is my schedule for the day.

6:15 a.m. -- Aubrey Arrives
7:00 a.m. -- Workout
8:15 a.m. -- Shower
8:45 a.m. -- Wake up Girls
9:45 a.m. -- Go to Work
1:30 p.m. -- Leave Work to Run Weekly Errands
4:30 p.m. -- Aubrey Go Home
4:45 p.m. -- Ashlyn to Tumbling
7:00 p.m. -- Home from Tumbling
7:15 p.m. -- Leftovers
7:45 p.m. -- Bath and Girls to Bed
10:00 p.m. -- My Bedtime

I realized today that I have had this same schedule for almost a year, with the exception of when school is in session...then I add dropping off and picking up kids to that schedule. It's no wonder I am tired. And yet, very happy. I love my kids and my job and although it gets very crazy at times I am blessed to have both.

Okay. Next Topic. I am now 4-5 DPO and itching to POAS. I have no patience. This month would be great as next Friday is my DH's birthday and Sunday is Father's Day. We have a record of getting BFP's the first cycle (4 of 5 times), but it has been 5 months since my last BFP and the last month we were able to TTC. I sure hope I get one soon, and a sticky one too. One of my great friends from WTE and who got me started on here got her BFP today!! (Congrats!) I sure hope that it is a sticky one....

First Time for Everything

I am really not sure where to begin. I have been told that blogging is a great way to get your thoughts and feelings out there, and to have them collectively in one place. It is new to me. I am one who tends to vent my thoughts and feeling when others are not around rather than put them out there for the whole world to see, so I guess time will only tell how this will work out for me. I am hoping that it will create an outlet for me as well as become a new way to meet others that are going through similar experiences. With that being said, I guess I will give you a little background about myself to start off....

I am 28 years old, and married to my high school sweetheart (who is also 28). We met our junior year of high school when I was only 15 and I guess the rest is, as they say, history. We have 3 dogs (Andy, Brester, & Clyde), 1 cat (Miss Milly), and at the center of our universe are our two beautiful girls. Ashlyn (6) will be going into the 1st grade in August, and Lorelei (2) is in the midst of potty training.

We have been trying for 14 months to have baby number 3, without much success. In that time we have had three pregnancies, all of which ended in first trimester miscarriages, a battery of genetic testing done, an HSG, and a hysteroscopy. We have recently been given the all clear to "try" again after the testing, so now it is a waiting game. The outcome of the testing basically told us that there was nothing wrong and no reason for the miscarriages so just try again....

Anyway, that is a quick rundown about me and what is going on at the moment, I will go into more detail about other stuff as it comes up later. Good Night!!